09 December 2010

One Silent Night

It's like I got knocked out suddenly
No warning sign, all of the sudden it was pitch black

I don't really know how long has it been
How and what exactly brought me here, to this point I am standing
I guess I have to stop trying so hard just to find out
Time will be considered lost if I keep searching and not getting any results
Life would be wasted even if I found the reasons and never gonna get any answers

It's so peaceful now, images just flashes through my mind without needing any efforts
I for the first time, felt slightly relief for being at peace
Even if it's just for a short moment....

I clearly remember how I once wished life would be
Clearly I could remember how I made my life the other way round
Escaping was my path, without me even realizing it until just then
It is clear now that, I never ever learn to be or even try to be responsible, at least not on my own matters

I was once told, dream it and live it
Guess I was too obsessed with the dream part and forgo the live part
My strengths and will was forgo together
Leaving excuses lingering around, not able to confront myself as I stood in front of the mirror

Being sorry to myself was the biggest mistake
It haunted me for a year, yet I went by it's flows not being able to be free
I couldn't forgive myself for so long
It made me really tired, as well as letting emotions taking over my logical mind

I finally understand the difference between villains and heroes
They are not so much different from one another, just that their ways of making their ways are the exact opposite
I stood still wondering what I was and what I am now
Refuse to fall again, so I continue standing still

There are so many things about me
Even I myself refuse to know, nevertheless letting people around me get to know me
I am sorry for those who ever show their concern to me
I just couldn't face myself at that moment as I was always told I am the stronger ones

Being used to be there for anyone that needs me
I really did not knew how to let anyone to be there for me
Being able to solves other people's problems made me forget how to solve my owns
Made me forgot I am also a mere human who make mistakes

In the end, all was lost
I could have made friends and have lots of fun
Guess there are no points trying to regret
I am sorry, to everyone who have came across my life

Sorry for being tired and irresponsibles
Sorry for neglecting all of your caring as well as guidance
Sorry for not being able to express myself and to learn to be independent instead of acting to be so
Sorry for letting everyone down, especially those whom I should have be closed with yet I stayed away

I guess, this peaceful night
I guess tonight, I learn more about myself
I hope I learn from what happened in 2010
I hope I can forgive myself soon

1 comment:

  1. i hope the best for you in the course of discovering yourself. this is a long and never ending journey and lets have fun in doing so, lets grow up together:) i have learnt that forgiving oneself is more difficult than forgiving others too. it was a really painful process but i realized that i have forgiven myself when i am ready to change. i hope you will have more peaceful nights to come and more happy smiles from your heart. see you tomorrow :) love, tj.