30 December 2010

Late update

Today is not as tiring somehow although we walked for 2 hours at 3.30am in the morning...

This is not the first time I walk this trial but definitely feel much better as the last time was drizzling when I walked.

This time was chilling cold though and I can't even sweat for a little. Hualian is a peaceful place and the sky has so much stars, I am really really happy to see so much stars around. For 2 hours I walked, I was looking up upon those stars most of the time!

We did a lot at JingSi abode(靜思精舍) today and somehow I didn't feel sleepy today :) I get to understand a lot of things today which I don't really give a damn before.

For the first time I feel inner peace or should I say getting to understand the feeling of it... I am going through a stage of realization...

Have been fighting alone for really long. Sometimes I really wish there are people who stand by me and understand what I learn and fight with me! Or maybe just one special one might do xD

This is the farm of the abode..
The nuns here live by earning and working each and everyday.
No work, no food!(一日不做一日不食)this is the spirit here! They live on their own and build with own earnings through candle making etc... Not seeking donation to sustain the abode.

There are a lot of stories and each stories has something to learn... I just need more
Concentration and understanding maybe...

Really starting to appreciate everything and I become a much happy person without so much burden. Hopefully I can!

Time to sleep!!!
Get to sleep early today as there is no meeting tonight =>
It's not even 11pm

28th of December

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27 December 2010

It's 11pm now and I don't really know what's the date! It's Sunday I think... but today was a sunny day : D

Have been really tiring with only about 4 hours of sleep every night. Gonna wake up at 3 tomorrow to walk back to JingSi abode! Around 10km I think... Kinda remind me of my days as Scout last time...

Have had some really amazing classes with awesome sharing from all sort of people and really got me realize more about the organization and also myself.

I just hope I can really digest all these in time with my super tired brain which can't really function well just like today >.< but I am still hanging on... I would be full of complains if I am still the same person as who I was a year ago... But guess I did become mature this time.

Have a big hole as big as my finger tip in my mouth now...
Still hanging on though it really affect me a lot.... Guess this is some sort of challenge for me :)

Gonna sleep now or I might faint tomorrow! Haha wish me the best if you would! I wish you well as well : )

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26 December 2010

Busy Xmas

Merry Christmas!!!!!
It's one minute to 26th and...
Well, has been busy for the whole night so this is the only time I can write...

Have to wake up at 4.20am so this will be a shorter one hopefully :)

Was really tired when I woke up this morning and almost feel asleep during some of the lecture...

I will look at this image whenever I feel like I am falling asleep!
This is actually a "painting" made out of thousands of 1x1cm mosaic like thing and it is 5 story tall, inside the main hall of the 靜思堂... The whole atmosphere of this place is simply amazing :D

Get to know a lot about what our fellow friends from what they have done for the past year in today's conference and some are really amazing and creative!

The best thing is that I get to make friends with more people this time as everyone are really friendly...

Well time to rest now.... Till I am free... See ya!

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25 December 2010

Xmas Eve already?

It's Christmas eve and yet another quiet and peaceful one for me...

Today was really tiring with traveling and with the start of those lessons... Hopefully i wouldn't get bored too soon...

Somehow many people recognize my face despite I cut my hair rather short and being so low profile all these while.

Didn't have much for my meals today as I was really tired and lost my appetite! Gonna get up an 4.30am every morning for the first week @.@ oh yes, I know right?

Had some thoughts about decisions today.. Really am very confuse with what should I do...
Help me Obi-wan Kenobi? Anyone??! Lol

Anyhow... I am really glad to meet those friends who I meet annually and yea, once a year yet feel like old friends :) well not all of course... But do looking forward to make more friends this time!!

No Christmas light here, luckily I have my iPod! Playing tons of Xmas songs now as lullaby now : D

Till then, signing out to bed @11pm 24-12-2010

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KUL to TPE 2010

還好有Despicable Me!




11.40pm 23-12-2010
P/s: 原來再過數十分鐘就是平安夜了! :D

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09 December 2010

One Silent Night

It's like I got knocked out suddenly
No warning sign, all of the sudden it was pitch black

I don't really know how long has it been
How and what exactly brought me here, to this point I am standing
I guess I have to stop trying so hard just to find out
Time will be considered lost if I keep searching and not getting any results
Life would be wasted even if I found the reasons and never gonna get any answers

It's so peaceful now, images just flashes through my mind without needing any efforts
I for the first time, felt slightly relief for being at peace
Even if it's just for a short moment....

I clearly remember how I once wished life would be
Clearly I could remember how I made my life the other way round
Escaping was my path, without me even realizing it until just then
It is clear now that, I never ever learn to be or even try to be responsible, at least not on my own matters

I was once told, dream it and live it
Guess I was too obsessed with the dream part and forgo the live part
My strengths and will was forgo together
Leaving excuses lingering around, not able to confront myself as I stood in front of the mirror

Being sorry to myself was the biggest mistake
It haunted me for a year, yet I went by it's flows not being able to be free
I couldn't forgive myself for so long
It made me really tired, as well as letting emotions taking over my logical mind

I finally understand the difference between villains and heroes
They are not so much different from one another, just that their ways of making their ways are the exact opposite
I stood still wondering what I was and what I am now
Refuse to fall again, so I continue standing still

There are so many things about me
Even I myself refuse to know, nevertheless letting people around me get to know me
I am sorry for those who ever show their concern to me
I just couldn't face myself at that moment as I was always told I am the stronger ones

Being used to be there for anyone that needs me
I really did not knew how to let anyone to be there for me
Being able to solves other people's problems made me forget how to solve my owns
Made me forgot I am also a mere human who make mistakes

In the end, all was lost
I could have made friends and have lots of fun
Guess there are no points trying to regret
I am sorry, to everyone who have came across my life

Sorry for being tired and irresponsibles
Sorry for neglecting all of your caring as well as guidance
Sorry for not being able to express myself and to learn to be independent instead of acting to be so
Sorry for letting everyone down, especially those whom I should have be closed with yet I stayed away

I guess, this peaceful night
I guess tonight, I learn more about myself
I hope I learn from what happened in 2010
I hope I can forgive myself soon